When God shuts one door, he opens another, but the Hallway is Hell!!

The other day a friend shared with me that they didn't like to read my blog because it makes him think of the ways he's falling short, and that feels bad. (I may not have quoted that exactly right, but its early and that was close enough)

I can SO relate to that!  I think we all can, any of you who have ever walked out of church with your head down and your tail between your legs knows what I'm talking about!   I used to feel like this a lot, and if I have portrayed a different image in this blog then I will set that straight today!  I would go out drinking Friday and Saturday night, leaving my husband at home and definitely not acting like a respectful wife, but yet I'd get up Sunday morning half hung-over and take the kids to church.  Now I don't think that was bad or good its both.....my intentions were all good, and the "bad feeling" I had while I sat there, the feelings of "not being good enough to be there, etc." helped me to eventually change my ways.  All the while I was raising a new generation that now I am proud to say has a closer walk with the Lord then I could hope to have.   Even my teenager who says "I'm too religious" (Oh, he is such a mini-me but I was WAY WORSE) has his own personal relationship with God that I am jealous of! 

Its funny the Lord's timing and how he ties things together because I opened up my bible this morning because God has clearly spoken to me lately and has told me to "seek him first, and all else will fall into place" but I'll get back to you on that later.   Anyways, I opened my bible and where was I bookmarked at?  The Ten Commandments.   Now,  I have a funny story when it comes to the Ten Commandments because at one time in my childhood I had them all memorized and some how between now and then I forgot them (I think my mind chose to, so that I would feel better).  My mom used to have a plaque on her wall that stated all ten commandments, now i have a sign on my refrigerator stating "Chore's For the Day".  When I was little I would sit in a bar stool and read those commandments not knowing what half the words meant, but just knowing "I never want to do that" because I had fear of the Lord, I didn't ever want to sin or break one of those commandments.  Now my children look at a list of chores & consequences on my fridge while they eat their cereal, yet I bet they do a way better job at following those commandments that I had memorized and looked at everyday while I was a kid.

Now, as an adult, a christian, and mother I have had opportunities to buy nice plaques like the one my mom had that have the commandments, and I've even found myself saying "I'd like to find one" but every time I have found one that I liked that matched my decor I have chosen not to purchase it.  Why?  Was it to expensive?  Was it to heavy for my wall?  Nope, have no excuse other than the plain fact It made me feel bad.  You see, I have broken nearly all the commandments at some point in my life, and if not completely have thought about it or came close.  So it makes me "feel bad" to have that reminder of my sins posted on my wall for me to look at everyday.

So by now you should be getting the point that I'm not a "model christian", I don't think I've even earned the title of "bible thumper" (not that its bad or good).   I started this blog because it holds me accountable to my own walk with God which includes reading the bible, studying it, meditating on it, and then ACTING on it.  This blog enables me to do one more thing and that is to SHARE my progress with others, and hold myself accountable.

I've said it before and I'll say it again.  This is MY JOURNEY, you have your own.  If you don't want to read because it makes you feel bad then don't, or if you look forward to it and enjoy it, then tell me, encourage me so I stay on my path with the Lord.  Its about accountability.   I will say this, (and its not my quote) when God shuts one door, he always opens another but the hallway is hell!    Now, some of us have just spent longer in the hallway than God ever intended us to.  Why?  Probably many reasons; We are trying to choose our own path, rather than letting God guide us to that next door; We are making poor choices, and usually we know it; We are distancing ourselves from the Lord because maybe "we feel bad" and in that becomes room for the enemy to sweep in.   I could go on and on, when I was  a teenager I was the queen of justifications and excuses; but there isn't any need, because I'm sure that each one of you reading knows your own faults when it comes to this, just as I have.

Now here's the good part.....
Part of my journey was going through that time when I would show up to church hung-over with my kids, and God knew it!  He already knew I would do that before I did it!  We forget this, at least I do, that so much of the time we are "feeling bad" about something God had already forgiven us for before we did it!  Now does that mean we have a free pass to act however we want because we will have unconditional love & forgiveness from our heavenly father.......NO sorry, I don't really think that's the point, but it doesn't mean we wouldn't get forgiveness for doing the same thing over and over 100x until we finally GET IT!  One things for sure, God will let you experience hardship, he will let you suffer, in order for you to learn your lesson.   He is a good father; and just as we as parents sometimes have to put our foot down with our children, so does he, but if your like me often times punishing your child hurts you more than them, well I like to think its the same for our Father in heaven; So if you think of it that way, doesn't it make you want to learn your lesson a little faster?   So doesn't that make you want to sit through church even though you feel inadequate, or read the bible even when its making you feel guilty, or even read my blog because I'm reminding you of things your not proud of, or of places you think you should be and your not?  


All this is what gets you through the hallway!   You see I've had to go through a lot of hallways and I will concur that every single one was hell!  Some were short, and some were longer......I'm even in one now!   But, something that stuck in my head while my ex husband and I were divorced was "If you turn back now, you have just as much hurt (or "Hell") to go through as you would if you were to keep walking toward that next door."  Now, please don't take that as I'm advocating divorce, and I have a much different view and opinion on the subject now, then I did then.........but the principle can still be applied to many of those "Hallways".  You see God knows your there, and he doesn't want you in them any longer than you want to be in them, knowing that should comfort you.  Want to know the secret I found to getting out?  Give it to God, all of it!  Dive into his word and embrace it, study it, learn from it, and try to be the best you everyday.   When I'd have a bad day as a little girl, I'd get in trouble, or my sisters and I would fight, my mom when she kissed me goodnight would always say "Tomorrow is a new day to play another way".   So, if your not prepared to post the 10 commandments on your wall as I have not been, then maybe you could write that quote and stick it to your bathroom mirror or somewhere where you will see it each night before you go to bed, because that is exactly how God loves us!  It may be a quote from my mom, whom I'm sure heard it from someone else, but it may as well be our Heavenly Father speaking to us, reminding us of his unconditional love as "our father" and that each day is a new day to make new choices!

So, since God definitely gave me the gift of gab whether it be speaking or writing :)  for the essence of your time and mine I won't list the Ten Commandments (that may get me on a whole another tangent) but I will tell you where you can find them in the bible.   They are located in Exodus 20:20.

My next blog will probably be about abundance because I have some cool stories and testimonies to tell regarding that.....but for now I'll stay on track!  :)

If you don't have the Ten Commandments memorized yet (as I don't either) then remember this.   God is Love.   You will have to find the definition of love in the bible yourself as I did, then meditate on it because you will realize that sometimes our humanly definitions are way off of what the Lord's definition is. 

One of my best-friends used to tell me all the time before she became a christian that she believed "there was a God" and that "God was Love"......I would always listen but kind of sluff it off.   Now I realize, how much her growth in Christ affected me and made me addicted to becoming a teacher of his word.   Do ya think God knew what he was doing?   Of course!!  He puts people in your life for a reason.   You learn from everyone and every experience bad or good.   When I first went to work I worked in an office full of Christians, and I thought it was wonderful and I could see their success coming directly from their closeness to the Lord.  Then some of those Christians hurt me very bad, knowingly or unknowingly, it still hurt.   Since then I've had opportunities to go into offices that were not so blatant about religion, and in my earlier walk with God it didn't "feel right" to be in that place.  Now, that I've matured a bit in my own walk with God.....the opportunity to be surrounded by people who are insecure in their faith is exciting to me!  God doesn't want us only preaching to other Christians, he wants us out there creating other Christians so that we are helping him do his work, being faithful servants to him!

So I'm going to close with this, as I'm already getting too long-winded.   Those of you who are my dear friends and I mentioned you today, you know who you are:  Thank You for being in my life.  Thank you for the good and the bad, and for being part of my "journey".   For those people and the rest of you remember this:  Life isn't all peaches & cream,  we need to take responsibility for the mistakes we made, the people we once were, and realize that: "Tomorrow is a new day, to play another way"..............
And know that God is telling you that every single night!!!

I love you!  God Bless!

What is a Christian woman?

The other day I was asked the question of "How do you be a career-oriented, working mom, and also conform to what the bible says in regards to how woman/wifes/mothers should be?"

I was ready for this question, because I have asked it myself before and saught out answers.  Although, I don't know if I have it all figured out, which I'm pretty sure I don't.   I do have some of the answers that I've found that have helped me make sense of it.  

For one I believe that God knew when we were born how our lives were going to end, what choices we'd be faced with, whether we'd make good choices or bad ones, and whether we would reap the fruits or the hard time for these choices made in life.

Awhile back I had quoted a verse that I think is appropriate to quote again because to me it defines EXACTLY who God wants everyone woman/wife/mother to be;

Epilogue:  The Wife of Nobile Character

A wife of noble character who can find?

She is worth far more than rubies.

Her husband has full confidence in her

and lacks nothing of value

She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.

She is like the merchant ships,

bringing her food from afar.

She gets up while it is still dark;

she provides food for her family

and portions for her servant girls.

She considers a field and buys it;

out of her earnings

she plants a vineyard.

She sets about her work vigorously;

her arms are strong for her task.

She sees that her trading is profitable,

and her lamp does not go out at night.

In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

She opens her arms to the poor

and extends her hands to the needy.

When it snows, she has no fear for her household;

for all of htem are clothed in scarlet.

She makes coverings for her bed;

she is clothed in fine linen and

purple.

Her husband is respected at the city gate,

where he takes his seat among the

elders of the land.

She makes linen garments and sells them,

and supplies the merchants with sashes.

She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks with wisdom ,

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

She watches over the affairs of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also , and he praises her:

"Many women do noble things,

but you surpass them all"

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Give her the rewward she has earned,

and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Proverbs 31:10-31

Now here is what I take from reading this, and how I can relate as an independent working woman (as well as the other side, the wife & mother).  It mentions she gets up while its still dark and provides food for her family.  Does this sound familiar to any of you mothers out there?   I know if I want to get a shower for myself, actually look decent for work, and have the kids bathed, dressed and fed before school I am definitely getting up before dawn, and that isn't even counting if I work out in the mornings!

This verse talks of her considering a field and buying it.   Hmmmm.......sounds like she's buying Real Estate, now I don't know but interestingly enough it does not include her husband as any part in this??? 

She then from her earnings she plants a vineyard!  Now she's going into business........now ladies who wouldn't love to own a vineyard?!?  

It says she see's her trading is profitable and her lamp doesn't go out at night.   Its funny because usually when I'm on here blogging, or working it is long after my kids are in bed, dinner is put away, dishes are washed, counters wiped off, outfits laid out for the next day, and then I go to "work".   I know this is the same for many of you.

She feeds the poor and gives to the needy.......how many of you volunteer in your childs school, or local community, be it the food pantry, community garden, working with children, etc.   Sounds like the woman of noble character, is a giver and a doer!

Most of all it tells us she is a hard worker, but at the end she reaps the best rewards of all and that is the appreciation, acknowledgment and blessings from her husband & children.

Now whom of you ladies wouldn't love to go into your childs room wake them up for school and they "arise and call you blessed"  or in modern terms "Ok, mom....wow do I smell pancakes? Your the best mom in the world, I am so lucky to have you, Johnny's mom down the street only gives him cereal."  Ok, well I may have went to far with the pancake thing, but you get the jist!

I have more to say though so hang on with me a little longer......

Of course we as modern women all strive to be this person, I mean who wouldn't?   But I'd be willing to bet 99% of us come up short.   Why?  Because we live in a different era than that woman in the bible, our grandparents, our parents.......yet we constantly are trying to compare ourselves to what was "normal" decades ago when circumstances were much different.

I was lucky and was able to have a mom who stayed home with us while we were little.   I remember my friends coming over and saying "Your house is always so clean!"   Well, that is because my mom was always cleaning!  Don't get me wrong she was a great mom, did tons of stuff with us, gave the best parties, etc.  but as for our home life I do remember her always cleaning.  

When I grew up and had a house and family of my own, I started down that route.   My family would all be huddled together in the living room watching a favorite show, and their I'd be "Ms. Cinderella" doing the dishes, mopping the floor, cleaning up after dinner, etc.   All I did was build up resentment towards my husband and children, and missed out on the fun family time.  Now there are two ways I could argue this, and they are I could have MADE them help or I could have JUST let the cleaning wait.   I found out that a little of both made us function best.   Was it hard for me to leave that mess sitting there?  Oh my gosh, you will never know!   But now I know that what is most important are my children and other than when things get way out of control I try to let a lot of stuff go, and make sure the basics are done.   Then every once in awhile I'll get in the mood to do a big deep clean, and around and around we go.   This may seem chaotic to some, but to me it seems very organized as we are all different.

This is once again longer than what I wanted but I am going to share a little more.  If you ever have the chance to read any of John Gray's books Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus he will teach you in very short easy to read ways on how the opposite sex acts and why and how our differences can be complimented rather than tear you apart.

So I'm going to start a series and quote a section from his book "Mars and Venus In Touch" by John Gray.  I think you will find it very informative, familiar and entertaining.   Maybe you'll even be able to print out this small blurb and get your spouse to read it????   Let me know how that works for you.....hey you could always copy & paste it in an email.....its so short he'll have read it before he realizes what your doing.....LOL

What Women Need Most and Men Really Want

The women who attend my relationship seminars are always amazed by the fact that half the audience is composed of men.   They find it hard to believe, but men really are seeking ways to make women happy and are just as interested as women in improved relationships.  The problem is that their traditional ways of doing so aren't getting through to the women.

If problems arise at home, the traditional male approach to solving them is to become more successful at work.  If a relationship is troubled, a traditional man doesn't take a seminar or purchase a book on relationships; he takes a course or buys a book on business and success.  Why?  Because from time immemorial, a man could always make his parnter happier by being a better provider.

In the hunter/gatherer days, this arrangement worked out fine.   IT worked well enough even for our fathers.  For us, however it doesn't work at all.   Today's wives do not leave husbands because they're not being provided for.  They leave because they are they are emotionally and romantically unfulfilled.  When a man does not understand a woman's new needs, it is inevitable that she will be unfulfilled.  This increased dissatisfaction is also what turns men off.  Husbands do not leave wives because they no longer love them, they leave becaues they can't make them happy.  Generally speaking, a man gives up on a relationship when he feels powerless to succeed in fulfilling his partner.

By understanding how circumstances hve changed for both sexes, we can gain the insight and compassion necessary to master new approaches to mutually supportive relationships.

So for today take heart in knowing your problems are not isolated to only your family.   We live in a world that is constantly trying to break up marriages, and tear apart families.   When you get frustrated with your husband look at what he's doing, because he just might be using all the "tools in his toolbox" to "fix the problem" he just doesn't even realize that he's missing the one right tool that would make it all better.   Husbands when you are frustrated with your wives because they seem to always be giving you unsolicitated advice or they don't seem to be as welcoming as you feel they should be when you get home from a long days work, remember that they are just more than likely exhausted in more ways than one, and when they see that you are dissapointed or a little angry about how they didn't greet you at the door with a smile and a kiss, and instead through a baby into your arms and a clean diaper in the other hand and said "Here he's your child now", is just her way of showing you she's overwhelmed and needs your attention NOW.   Most women just need some validation for what they do, and for someone to listen (key word LISTEN) to them while they vent for a moment (for some of us that stay at home it may be the only adult conversation they get all day) and just love them, compliment where you can, how they look, how the house looks, that dinner smells good, or if they all are out of wack, then say "wow honey looks like you've had a rough day, go take a bath and some time to yourself while I get the kids corndogs or grilled cheese for dinner.   If just these two peices of advice were taken from both men and women.....I'm sure it would reduce the divorce rate across our country significantly.

So look for some more quoted chapters from John's book in future blogs.......