I was ready for this question, because I have asked it myself before and saught out answers. Although, I don't know if I have it all figured out, which I'm pretty sure I don't. I do have some of the answers that I've found that have helped me make sense of it.
For one I believe that God knew when we were born how our lives were going to end, what choices we'd be faced with, whether we'd make good choices or bad ones, and whether we would reap the fruits or the hard time for these choices made in life.
Awhile back I had quoted a verse that I think is appropriate to quote again because to me it defines EXACTLY who God wants everyone woman/wife/mother to be;
Epilogue: The Wife of Nobile Character
A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings
she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her task.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of htem are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and
purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the
elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom ,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also , and he praises her:
"Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all"
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the rewward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Proverbs 31:10-31
Now here is what I take from reading this, and how I can relate as an independent working woman (as well as the other side, the wife & mother). It mentions she gets up while its still dark and provides food for her family. Does this sound familiar to any of you mothers out there? I know if I want to get a shower for myself, actually look decent for work, and have the kids bathed, dressed and fed before school I am definitely getting up before dawn, and that isn't even counting if I work out in the mornings!
This verse talks of her considering a field and buying it. Hmmmm.......sounds like she's buying Real Estate, now I don't know but interestingly enough it does not include her husband as any part in this???
She then from her earnings she plants a vineyard! Now she's going into business........now ladies who wouldn't love to own a vineyard?!?
It says she see's her trading is profitable and her lamp doesn't go out at night. Its funny because usually when I'm on here blogging, or working it is long after my kids are in bed, dinner is put away, dishes are washed, counters wiped off, outfits laid out for the next day, and then I go to "work". I know this is the same for many of you.
She feeds the poor and gives to the needy.......how many of you volunteer in your childs school, or local community, be it the food pantry, community garden, working with children, etc. Sounds like the woman of noble character, is a giver and a doer!
Most of all it tells us she is a hard worker, but at the end she reaps the best rewards of all and that is the appreciation, acknowledgment and blessings from her husband & children.
Now whom of you ladies wouldn't love to go into your childs room wake them up for school and they "arise and call you blessed" or in modern terms "Ok, mom....wow do I smell pancakes? Your the best mom in the world, I am so lucky to have you, Johnny's mom down the street only gives him cereal." Ok, well I may have went to far with the pancake thing, but you get the jist!
I have more to say though so hang on with me a little longer......
Of course we as modern women all strive to be this person, I mean who wouldn't? But I'd be willing to bet 99% of us come up short. Why? Because we live in a different era than that woman in the bible, our grandparents, our parents.......yet we constantly are trying to compare ourselves to what was "normal" decades ago when circumstances were much different.
I was lucky and was able to have a mom who stayed home with us while we were little. I remember my friends coming over and saying "Your house is always so clean!" Well, that is because my mom was always cleaning! Don't get me wrong she was a great mom, did tons of stuff with us, gave the best parties, etc. but as for our home life I do remember her always cleaning.
When I grew up and had a house and family of my own, I started down that route. My family would all be huddled together in the living room watching a favorite show, and their I'd be "Ms. Cinderella" doing the dishes, mopping the floor, cleaning up after dinner, etc. All I did was build up resentment towards my husband and children, and missed out on the fun family time. Now there are two ways I could argue this, and they are I could have MADE them help or I could have JUST let the cleaning wait. I found out that a little of both made us function best. Was it hard for me to leave that mess sitting there? Oh my gosh, you will never know! But now I know that what is most important are my children and other than when things get way out of control I try to let a lot of stuff go, and make sure the basics are done. Then every once in awhile I'll get in the mood to do a big deep clean, and around and around we go. This may seem chaotic to some, but to me it seems very organized as we are all different.
This is once again longer than what I wanted but I am going to share a little more. If you ever have the chance to read any of John Gray's books Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus he will teach you in very short easy to read ways on how the opposite sex acts and why and how our differences can be complimented rather than tear you apart.
So I'm going to start a series and quote a section from his book "Mars and Venus In Touch" by John Gray. I think you will find it very informative, familiar and entertaining. Maybe you'll even be able to print out this small blurb and get your spouse to read it???? Let me know how that works for you.....hey you could always copy & paste it in an email.....its so short he'll have read it before he realizes what your doing.....LOL
What Women Need Most and Men Really Want
The women who attend my relationship seminars are always amazed by the fact that half the audience is composed of men. They find it hard to believe, but men really are seeking ways to make women happy and are just as interested as women in improved relationships. The problem is that their traditional ways of doing so aren't getting through to the women.
If problems arise at home, the traditional male approach to solving them is to become more successful at work. If a relationship is troubled, a traditional man doesn't take a seminar or purchase a book on relationships; he takes a course or buys a book on business and success. Why? Because from time immemorial, a man could always make his parnter happier by being a better provider.
In the hunter/gatherer days, this arrangement worked out fine. IT worked well enough even for our fathers. For us, however it doesn't work at all. Today's wives do not leave husbands because they're not being provided for. They leave because they are they are emotionally and romantically unfulfilled. When a man does not understand a woman's new needs, it is inevitable that she will be unfulfilled. This increased dissatisfaction is also what turns men off. Husbands do not leave wives because they no longer love them, they leave becaues they can't make them happy. Generally speaking, a man gives up on a relationship when he feels powerless to succeed in fulfilling his partner.
By understanding how circumstances hve changed for both sexes, we can gain the insight and compassion necessary to master new approaches to mutually supportive relationships.
So for today take heart in knowing your problems are not isolated to only your family. We live in a world that is constantly trying to break up marriages, and tear apart families. When you get frustrated with your husband look at what he's doing, because he just might be using all the "tools in his toolbox" to "fix the problem" he just doesn't even realize that he's missing the one right tool that would make it all better. Husbands when you are frustrated with your wives because they seem to always be giving you unsolicitated advice or they don't seem to be as welcoming as you feel they should be when you get home from a long days work, remember that they are just more than likely exhausted in more ways than one, and when they see that you are dissapointed or a little angry about how they didn't greet you at the door with a smile and a kiss, and instead through a baby into your arms and a clean diaper in the other hand and said "Here he's your child now", is just her way of showing you she's overwhelmed and needs your attention NOW. Most women just need some validation for what they do, and for someone to listen (key word LISTEN) to them while they vent for a moment (for some of us that stay at home it may be the only adult conversation they get all day) and just love them, compliment where you can, how they look, how the house looks, that dinner smells good, or if they all are out of wack, then say "wow honey looks like you've had a rough day, go take a bath and some time to yourself while I get the kids corndogs or grilled cheese for dinner. If just these two peices of advice were taken from both men and women.....I'm sure it would reduce the divorce rate across our country significantly.
So look for some more quoted chapters from John's book in future blogs.......
