Without God, its all just "stuff"....

Woke up this morning with so many things on my heart.   Then I realized it was only 5:30am which happens to be the time when Joyce Meyers is on TV so I turned it on, got something to drink at watched the program.   Funny, God always has his way of bringing you back on track.   I've been working long hours, sleeping very little, not feeling well, and now am getting ready to spend the next 48hrs moving out of my house.  I could have stayed up last night and got work done to get a head start on the next two days but rather I found myself laying on the couch paralyzed in the "Where do I start" mode.   I had also had a bad incident come up at work which also had my mind off of moving forward and just kind of stuck with a yucky feeling in my stomach (I'll explain more later).

I am lucky that I have some great people in my life who have offered to help me move.   I tend to be someone who wants to keep everything, because you know...."I may need it some day".   I found myself thinking that, and being very depressed about the thought of getting rid of everything I own to down size and live in a motorhome for the next few months.   Just the thought made me feel like less of a person, like when it all was said and done, without my "stuff" I wouldn't be me, or able to be happy. I also felt sad or jealous to give my "stuff" away and then see someone else have it and not me.  Sounds crazy, but think on it for awhile, put yourself in my shoes. 

In the bible in the book of Matthew it mentions how it is easier for a rich man to pass through the eye of a needle than to enter the kingdom of God.   This comes after the parable where a wealthy man asks Jesus how he can get into heaven, and Jesus tells him to take everything he owns and give it to the poor.  What I notice in this is that Jesus didn't tell the man to take all the stuff he didn't "need" anymore, or never though he would need again, all his clothes that didn't fit, the stuff that was broken or not as "nice" anymore, etc.   He also didn't say go sell it for as much as he could so that he had some money left so that "just incase" his plan didn't work he could replace at least some of the stuff!   No, he said go give it ALL away.   Now in the story, the man was sad, he had worked hard to get where he was at, he felt he had done things right (I'm paraphrasing here) and fairly, therefore he was entitled to the "stuff" he had. 

Wow!  Hear any relation in the two stories?   Kind of hit me like a ton of bricks.  I was stressing about "how much could I keep", "how could I make it fit", "where could I store it all", "how I needed to plan a big garage sale so I could at least get money to replace things later or help me through now".   Then I realized what God was doing in my life.   I already have no doubt I'm where I'm supposed to be, even though its never somewhere I'd thought I'd be in a million years!   Its not even a great place necessarily, but I will say the "pieces to the puzzle" are starting to fit together, and the bigger picture is becoming more clear, and that is a really cool feeling!!

So, last night I was stressing for the i don't know how many time about all the things I have to get rid of.....and what happened I was paralyzed.   Now, think of what paralyzed means?  I'm not going to look up my own definition but basically it means unable to move, stuck in one spot.   Do I really want to be stuck right where I am for the rest of my life?   Of course the answer is NO, life may be going Ok, and I may feel I'm on god's path, but just because I'm on the path doesn't mean I just want to stop walking in fear that I may stray from the course as I have so many times!  I realized that God has had to allow bad things to happen to me in order for me to see the "bigger picture", and that a lot of those bad things were "taking the THINGS away".   So, just maybe God reminded me of that parable the other day because just maybe he was sending me a message.

As I said above, God asked him to get rid of all his "stuff", empahsis on ALL.   Not everything but his favorite stuff, he said simply ALL of it.    The bible also tells us that if we do what God tells us, if we sacrifice when he asks, that we will be rewarded tenfold.   Now, to be honest, the sad part is I've lived on my own for 16 yrs.  most of the stuff around me is not very nice or expensive.....even if it was at one time its old now.   In the house I sit in now, most of it I bought used for very very little becasue my other "stuff" was in storage.   So why, why, why am I having such a hard time?   Why do I want to just "keep my foot in the door" incase what God asks me to do doesn't work out........you know "I may need it some day, God".   I love the saying "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans", but I don't think God would really be laughing at my thought process, I think rather like any good parent he would be sad that I wasn't just listening knowing that he knows best, and that he had to watch me go through more hurt until I finally "Recieved" his message.   Why would I want to do that to myself?   I don't know.   So I made up my mind, my stuff is stuff.   God is working miracles in my life everyday and has blessed me so much, why would I let a $300 couch stand between me receiving more of Gods miracles?   Doesn't make much sense when you say it that way, huh?  

I dare to think I am not the only one who runs into this problem at times in their life.   We are humans, and we are Americans both of which I think tends to make us a little more superficial when it comes to having "stuff".  Some how, we get our wires crossed and start putting our self worth on a stainless steel oven with a warming drawer than on God.  LOL, sounds silly, huh?   I will humble myself and be the example though, because its true. 

So today, I'm asking for prayers from all of you, and I'm praying myself for God's strength to help me see the "stuff" for what it is and to trust him that if I do what he is leading me to do right now, then I will only be one step closer to reaping the rewards of his great plan for my life.  So I must keep my eye on the ball, and keep pushing through, even though it hurts, its painful, its scary......now is when I must test my own strength and faith and do what I need to do.   What is the worst that can happen?  I have to go to garage sales and replace it all again?  It only cost me a few hundred dollars to get almost the entire household I'm sitting in right now, so I think I could probably do that again.   The cool thing is I know I won't have too, because God wants mroe for me than that, this is just a growing pain, but I will never get to the next level without growing pains, just as a child will never grow taller without those growing pains.   Some people have them very little, some so little they don't notice, and some of us remember being kids and just being in pain because of those "growing pains".   Well, today is a day of growing pains for me, no doubt.

Ok, back to the top.   So I mentioned paralyzed last night and a bad experience.  Last night I was calling to schedule appointments at work.   One man had requested two child safe kits, so I called him set an apt. and while he was looking for a pen I made small talk and asked the ages of his kids.   He then said "well, I guess you only need to bring one now, my daughter was five but she passed way".  This is what paralyzed me, because NEVER is it OK to lose your five year old daughter in my world, or any child for that matter!  I have never met this family before but I was instantly crying and sad for them.   So when I got home I couldn't get it off my mind, it just drained me.   Then I woke up this morning thinking, how silly and sad I am.  Here i am crying over some dishes I'm getting rid of, and this man has lost his daughter!! Yet, even though we may be squeezed in a motor home, I will be able to kiss all my kids good night, that right there is a blessing, and it doesn't matter how much stuff.   Then I got to thinking of all the blessings in my life right now, my children, my sisters, my good friends, my new friends, all the great people who have came into my life and who are lifting me up when my knees are buckling right now, or who are telling me to get up and wipe my tears and keep going when I feel "paralyzed".   Those are the "stuff" in life that you want.   Never ever ever will they be less valuable than a leather couch, stainless steel oven, or a nice bed set! 

So as much as I can preach an "attitude of grattitude" I myself am human, and found myself being right there at the very bottom of the grattitude list.    I may not be where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be, and really thankful that he now allows me to "figure out the lesson" faster than I used to.  Makes your resiliency so much better, and eventually that is the way to become the Godly person you should be.

I will leave you with this today.   I am going to pray that I can keep my eye on the TRUE prize.   I am going to count my blessings and not my things, and I am going to keep walking knowing that when my knees are buckling that is when God will carry me.   Whats the catch?   I've got to be walking with him, if I'm not how will he know when i need carried through the rough spots, like you carry your child over a creek or a log thats too big for them to hop over.  

I am going to have an attitude of grattitude for the real blessings in life, and then use my "stuff" to bless others.  Most of all I'm going to trust, that I will never see what is in store for me next if I don't pass this test.  I have recently watched friends do it, and I am so proud of them, and so happy I have such great examples in my lfie!  

So heres to a new start, walking with God, and keeping our eyes on the real prizes in life!   Don't feel bad if you too had temporarily lost focus as I had, just thank God you remember now, and then.......
Keep Walking!

Have a Blessed Day Everyone!

When God shuts one door, he opens another, but the Hallway is Hell!!

The other day a friend shared with me that they didn't like to read my blog because it makes him think of the ways he's falling short, and that feels bad. (I may not have quoted that exactly right, but its early and that was close enough)

I can SO relate to that!  I think we all can, any of you who have ever walked out of church with your head down and your tail between your legs knows what I'm talking about!   I used to feel like this a lot, and if I have portrayed a different image in this blog then I will set that straight today!  I would go out drinking Friday and Saturday night, leaving my husband at home and definitely not acting like a respectful wife, but yet I'd get up Sunday morning half hung-over and take the kids to church.  Now I don't think that was bad or good its both.....my intentions were all good, and the "bad feeling" I had while I sat there, the feelings of "not being good enough to be there, etc." helped me to eventually change my ways.  All the while I was raising a new generation that now I am proud to say has a closer walk with the Lord then I could hope to have.   Even my teenager who says "I'm too religious" (Oh, he is such a mini-me but I was WAY WORSE) has his own personal relationship with God that I am jealous of! 

Its funny the Lord's timing and how he ties things together because I opened up my bible this morning because God has clearly spoken to me lately and has told me to "seek him first, and all else will fall into place" but I'll get back to you on that later.   Anyways, I opened my bible and where was I bookmarked at?  The Ten Commandments.   Now,  I have a funny story when it comes to the Ten Commandments because at one time in my childhood I had them all memorized and some how between now and then I forgot them (I think my mind chose to, so that I would feel better).  My mom used to have a plaque on her wall that stated all ten commandments, now i have a sign on my refrigerator stating "Chore's For the Day".  When I was little I would sit in a bar stool and read those commandments not knowing what half the words meant, but just knowing "I never want to do that" because I had fear of the Lord, I didn't ever want to sin or break one of those commandments.  Now my children look at a list of chores & consequences on my fridge while they eat their cereal, yet I bet they do a way better job at following those commandments that I had memorized and looked at everyday while I was a kid.

Now, as an adult, a christian, and mother I have had opportunities to buy nice plaques like the one my mom had that have the commandments, and I've even found myself saying "I'd like to find one" but every time I have found one that I liked that matched my decor I have chosen not to purchase it.  Why?  Was it to expensive?  Was it to heavy for my wall?  Nope, have no excuse other than the plain fact It made me feel bad.  You see, I have broken nearly all the commandments at some point in my life, and if not completely have thought about it or came close.  So it makes me "feel bad" to have that reminder of my sins posted on my wall for me to look at everyday.

So by now you should be getting the point that I'm not a "model christian", I don't think I've even earned the title of "bible thumper" (not that its bad or good).   I started this blog because it holds me accountable to my own walk with God which includes reading the bible, studying it, meditating on it, and then ACTING on it.  This blog enables me to do one more thing and that is to SHARE my progress with others, and hold myself accountable.

I've said it before and I'll say it again.  This is MY JOURNEY, you have your own.  If you don't want to read because it makes you feel bad then don't, or if you look forward to it and enjoy it, then tell me, encourage me so I stay on my path with the Lord.  Its about accountability.   I will say this, (and its not my quote) when God shuts one door, he always opens another but the hallway is hell!    Now, some of us have just spent longer in the hallway than God ever intended us to.  Why?  Probably many reasons; We are trying to choose our own path, rather than letting God guide us to that next door; We are making poor choices, and usually we know it; We are distancing ourselves from the Lord because maybe "we feel bad" and in that becomes room for the enemy to sweep in.   I could go on and on, when I was  a teenager I was the queen of justifications and excuses; but there isn't any need, because I'm sure that each one of you reading knows your own faults when it comes to this, just as I have.

Now here's the good part.....
Part of my journey was going through that time when I would show up to church hung-over with my kids, and God knew it!  He already knew I would do that before I did it!  We forget this, at least I do, that so much of the time we are "feeling bad" about something God had already forgiven us for before we did it!  Now does that mean we have a free pass to act however we want because we will have unconditional love & forgiveness from our heavenly father.......NO sorry, I don't really think that's the point, but it doesn't mean we wouldn't get forgiveness for doing the same thing over and over 100x until we finally GET IT!  One things for sure, God will let you experience hardship, he will let you suffer, in order for you to learn your lesson.   He is a good father; and just as we as parents sometimes have to put our foot down with our children, so does he, but if your like me often times punishing your child hurts you more than them, well I like to think its the same for our Father in heaven; So if you think of it that way, doesn't it make you want to learn your lesson a little faster?   So doesn't that make you want to sit through church even though you feel inadequate, or read the bible even when its making you feel guilty, or even read my blog because I'm reminding you of things your not proud of, or of places you think you should be and your not?  


All this is what gets you through the hallway!   You see I've had to go through a lot of hallways and I will concur that every single one was hell!  Some were short, and some were longer......I'm even in one now!   But, something that stuck in my head while my ex husband and I were divorced was "If you turn back now, you have just as much hurt (or "Hell") to go through as you would if you were to keep walking toward that next door."  Now, please don't take that as I'm advocating divorce, and I have a much different view and opinion on the subject now, then I did then.........but the principle can still be applied to many of those "Hallways".  You see God knows your there, and he doesn't want you in them any longer than you want to be in them, knowing that should comfort you.  Want to know the secret I found to getting out?  Give it to God, all of it!  Dive into his word and embrace it, study it, learn from it, and try to be the best you everyday.   When I'd have a bad day as a little girl, I'd get in trouble, or my sisters and I would fight, my mom when she kissed me goodnight would always say "Tomorrow is a new day to play another way".   So, if your not prepared to post the 10 commandments on your wall as I have not been, then maybe you could write that quote and stick it to your bathroom mirror or somewhere where you will see it each night before you go to bed, because that is exactly how God loves us!  It may be a quote from my mom, whom I'm sure heard it from someone else, but it may as well be our Heavenly Father speaking to us, reminding us of his unconditional love as "our father" and that each day is a new day to make new choices!

So, since God definitely gave me the gift of gab whether it be speaking or writing :)  for the essence of your time and mine I won't list the Ten Commandments (that may get me on a whole another tangent) but I will tell you where you can find them in the bible.   They are located in Exodus 20:20.

My next blog will probably be about abundance because I have some cool stories and testimonies to tell regarding that.....but for now I'll stay on track!  :)

If you don't have the Ten Commandments memorized yet (as I don't either) then remember this.   God is Love.   You will have to find the definition of love in the bible yourself as I did, then meditate on it because you will realize that sometimes our humanly definitions are way off of what the Lord's definition is. 

One of my best-friends used to tell me all the time before she became a christian that she believed "there was a God" and that "God was Love"......I would always listen but kind of sluff it off.   Now I realize, how much her growth in Christ affected me and made me addicted to becoming a teacher of his word.   Do ya think God knew what he was doing?   Of course!!  He puts people in your life for a reason.   You learn from everyone and every experience bad or good.   When I first went to work I worked in an office full of Christians, and I thought it was wonderful and I could see their success coming directly from their closeness to the Lord.  Then some of those Christians hurt me very bad, knowingly or unknowingly, it still hurt.   Since then I've had opportunities to go into offices that were not so blatant about religion, and in my earlier walk with God it didn't "feel right" to be in that place.  Now, that I've matured a bit in my own walk with God.....the opportunity to be surrounded by people who are insecure in their faith is exciting to me!  God doesn't want us only preaching to other Christians, he wants us out there creating other Christians so that we are helping him do his work, being faithful servants to him!

So I'm going to close with this, as I'm already getting too long-winded.   Those of you who are my dear friends and I mentioned you today, you know who you are:  Thank You for being in my life.  Thank you for the good and the bad, and for being part of my "journey".   For those people and the rest of you remember this:  Life isn't all peaches & cream,  we need to take responsibility for the mistakes we made, the people we once were, and realize that: "Tomorrow is a new day, to play another way"..............
And know that God is telling you that every single night!!!

I love you!  God Bless!