When God shuts one door, he opens another, but the Hallway is Hell!!

The other day a friend shared with me that they didn't like to read my blog because it makes him think of the ways he's falling short, and that feels bad. (I may not have quoted that exactly right, but its early and that was close enough)

I can SO relate to that!  I think we all can, any of you who have ever walked out of church with your head down and your tail between your legs knows what I'm talking about!   I used to feel like this a lot, and if I have portrayed a different image in this blog then I will set that straight today!  I would go out drinking Friday and Saturday night, leaving my husband at home and definitely not acting like a respectful wife, but yet I'd get up Sunday morning half hung-over and take the kids to church.  Now I don't think that was bad or good its both.....my intentions were all good, and the "bad feeling" I had while I sat there, the feelings of "not being good enough to be there, etc." helped me to eventually change my ways.  All the while I was raising a new generation that now I am proud to say has a closer walk with the Lord then I could hope to have.   Even my teenager who says "I'm too religious" (Oh, he is such a mini-me but I was WAY WORSE) has his own personal relationship with God that I am jealous of! 

Its funny the Lord's timing and how he ties things together because I opened up my bible this morning because God has clearly spoken to me lately and has told me to "seek him first, and all else will fall into place" but I'll get back to you on that later.   Anyways, I opened my bible and where was I bookmarked at?  The Ten Commandments.   Now,  I have a funny story when it comes to the Ten Commandments because at one time in my childhood I had them all memorized and some how between now and then I forgot them (I think my mind chose to, so that I would feel better).  My mom used to have a plaque on her wall that stated all ten commandments, now i have a sign on my refrigerator stating "Chore's For the Day".  When I was little I would sit in a bar stool and read those commandments not knowing what half the words meant, but just knowing "I never want to do that" because I had fear of the Lord, I didn't ever want to sin or break one of those commandments.  Now my children look at a list of chores & consequences on my fridge while they eat their cereal, yet I bet they do a way better job at following those commandments that I had memorized and looked at everyday while I was a kid.

Now, as an adult, a christian, and mother I have had opportunities to buy nice plaques like the one my mom had that have the commandments, and I've even found myself saying "I'd like to find one" but every time I have found one that I liked that matched my decor I have chosen not to purchase it.  Why?  Was it to expensive?  Was it to heavy for my wall?  Nope, have no excuse other than the plain fact It made me feel bad.  You see, I have broken nearly all the commandments at some point in my life, and if not completely have thought about it or came close.  So it makes me "feel bad" to have that reminder of my sins posted on my wall for me to look at everyday.

So by now you should be getting the point that I'm not a "model christian", I don't think I've even earned the title of "bible thumper" (not that its bad or good).   I started this blog because it holds me accountable to my own walk with God which includes reading the bible, studying it, meditating on it, and then ACTING on it.  This blog enables me to do one more thing and that is to SHARE my progress with others, and hold myself accountable.

I've said it before and I'll say it again.  This is MY JOURNEY, you have your own.  If you don't want to read because it makes you feel bad then don't, or if you look forward to it and enjoy it, then tell me, encourage me so I stay on my path with the Lord.  Its about accountability.   I will say this, (and its not my quote) when God shuts one door, he always opens another but the hallway is hell!    Now, some of us have just spent longer in the hallway than God ever intended us to.  Why?  Probably many reasons; We are trying to choose our own path, rather than letting God guide us to that next door; We are making poor choices, and usually we know it; We are distancing ourselves from the Lord because maybe "we feel bad" and in that becomes room for the enemy to sweep in.   I could go on and on, when I was  a teenager I was the queen of justifications and excuses; but there isn't any need, because I'm sure that each one of you reading knows your own faults when it comes to this, just as I have.

Now here's the good part.....
Part of my journey was going through that time when I would show up to church hung-over with my kids, and God knew it!  He already knew I would do that before I did it!  We forget this, at least I do, that so much of the time we are "feeling bad" about something God had already forgiven us for before we did it!  Now does that mean we have a free pass to act however we want because we will have unconditional love & forgiveness from our heavenly father.......NO sorry, I don't really think that's the point, but it doesn't mean we wouldn't get forgiveness for doing the same thing over and over 100x until we finally GET IT!  One things for sure, God will let you experience hardship, he will let you suffer, in order for you to learn your lesson.   He is a good father; and just as we as parents sometimes have to put our foot down with our children, so does he, but if your like me often times punishing your child hurts you more than them, well I like to think its the same for our Father in heaven; So if you think of it that way, doesn't it make you want to learn your lesson a little faster?   So doesn't that make you want to sit through church even though you feel inadequate, or read the bible even when its making you feel guilty, or even read my blog because I'm reminding you of things your not proud of, or of places you think you should be and your not?  


All this is what gets you through the hallway!   You see I've had to go through a lot of hallways and I will concur that every single one was hell!  Some were short, and some were longer......I'm even in one now!   But, something that stuck in my head while my ex husband and I were divorced was "If you turn back now, you have just as much hurt (or "Hell") to go through as you would if you were to keep walking toward that next door."  Now, please don't take that as I'm advocating divorce, and I have a much different view and opinion on the subject now, then I did then.........but the principle can still be applied to many of those "Hallways".  You see God knows your there, and he doesn't want you in them any longer than you want to be in them, knowing that should comfort you.  Want to know the secret I found to getting out?  Give it to God, all of it!  Dive into his word and embrace it, study it, learn from it, and try to be the best you everyday.   When I'd have a bad day as a little girl, I'd get in trouble, or my sisters and I would fight, my mom when she kissed me goodnight would always say "Tomorrow is a new day to play another way".   So, if your not prepared to post the 10 commandments on your wall as I have not been, then maybe you could write that quote and stick it to your bathroom mirror or somewhere where you will see it each night before you go to bed, because that is exactly how God loves us!  It may be a quote from my mom, whom I'm sure heard it from someone else, but it may as well be our Heavenly Father speaking to us, reminding us of his unconditional love as "our father" and that each day is a new day to make new choices!

So, since God definitely gave me the gift of gab whether it be speaking or writing :)  for the essence of your time and mine I won't list the Ten Commandments (that may get me on a whole another tangent) but I will tell you where you can find them in the bible.   They are located in Exodus 20:20.

My next blog will probably be about abundance because I have some cool stories and testimonies to tell regarding that.....but for now I'll stay on track!  :)

If you don't have the Ten Commandments memorized yet (as I don't either) then remember this.   God is Love.   You will have to find the definition of love in the bible yourself as I did, then meditate on it because you will realize that sometimes our humanly definitions are way off of what the Lord's definition is. 

One of my best-friends used to tell me all the time before she became a christian that she believed "there was a God" and that "God was Love"......I would always listen but kind of sluff it off.   Now I realize, how much her growth in Christ affected me and made me addicted to becoming a teacher of his word.   Do ya think God knew what he was doing?   Of course!!  He puts people in your life for a reason.   You learn from everyone and every experience bad or good.   When I first went to work I worked in an office full of Christians, and I thought it was wonderful and I could see their success coming directly from their closeness to the Lord.  Then some of those Christians hurt me very bad, knowingly or unknowingly, it still hurt.   Since then I've had opportunities to go into offices that were not so blatant about religion, and in my earlier walk with God it didn't "feel right" to be in that place.  Now, that I've matured a bit in my own walk with God.....the opportunity to be surrounded by people who are insecure in their faith is exciting to me!  God doesn't want us only preaching to other Christians, he wants us out there creating other Christians so that we are helping him do his work, being faithful servants to him!

So I'm going to close with this, as I'm already getting too long-winded.   Those of you who are my dear friends and I mentioned you today, you know who you are:  Thank You for being in my life.  Thank you for the good and the bad, and for being part of my "journey".   For those people and the rest of you remember this:  Life isn't all peaches & cream,  we need to take responsibility for the mistakes we made, the people we once were, and realize that: "Tomorrow is a new day, to play another way"..............
And know that God is telling you that every single night!!!

I love you!  God Bless!