Woke up this morning with so many things on my heart. Then I realized it was only 5:30am which happens to be the time when Joyce Meyers is on TV so I turned it on, got something to drink at watched the program. Funny, God always has his way of bringing you back on track. I've been working long hours, sleeping very little, not feeling well, and now am getting ready to spend the next 48hrs moving out of my house. I could have stayed up last night and got work done to get a head start on the next two days but rather I found myself laying on the couch paralyzed in the "Where do I start" mode. I had also had a bad incident come up at work which also had my mind off of moving forward and just kind of stuck with a yucky feeling in my stomach (I'll explain more later).
I am lucky that I have some great people in my life who have offered to help me move. I tend to be someone who wants to keep everything, because you know...."I may need it some day". I found myself thinking that, and being very depressed about the thought of getting rid of everything I own to down size and live in a motorhome for the next few months. Just the thought made me feel like less of a person, like when it all was said and done, without my "stuff" I wouldn't be me, or able to be happy. I also felt sad or jealous to give my "stuff" away and then see someone else have it and not me. Sounds crazy, but think on it for awhile, put yourself in my shoes.
In the bible in the book of Matthew it mentions how it is easier for a rich man to pass through the eye of a needle than to enter the kingdom of God. This comes after the parable where a wealthy man asks Jesus how he can get into heaven, and Jesus tells him to take everything he owns and give it to the poor. What I notice in this is that Jesus didn't tell the man to take all the stuff he didn't "need" anymore, or never though he would need again, all his clothes that didn't fit, the stuff that was broken or not as "nice" anymore, etc. He also didn't say go sell it for as much as he could so that he had some money left so that "just incase" his plan didn't work he could replace at least some of the stuff! No, he said go give it ALL away. Now in the story, the man was sad, he had worked hard to get where he was at, he felt he had done things right (I'm paraphrasing here) and fairly, therefore he was entitled to the "stuff" he had.
Wow! Hear any relation in the two stories? Kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. I was stressing about "how much could I keep", "how could I make it fit", "where could I store it all", "how I needed to plan a big garage sale so I could at least get money to replace things later or help me through now". Then I realized what God was doing in my life. I already have no doubt I'm where I'm supposed to be, even though its never somewhere I'd thought I'd be in a million years! Its not even a great place necessarily, but I will say the "pieces to the puzzle" are starting to fit together, and the bigger picture is becoming more clear, and that is a really cool feeling!!
So, last night I was stressing for the i don't know how many time about all the things I have to get rid of.....and what happened I was paralyzed. Now, think of what paralyzed means? I'm not going to look up my own definition but basically it means unable to move, stuck in one spot. Do I really want to be stuck right where I am for the rest of my life? Of course the answer is NO, life may be going Ok, and I may feel I'm on god's path, but just because I'm on the path doesn't mean I just want to stop walking in fear that I may stray from the course as I have so many times! I realized that God has had to allow bad things to happen to me in order for me to see the "bigger picture", and that a lot of those bad things were "taking the THINGS away". So, just maybe God reminded me of that parable the other day because just maybe he was sending me a message.
As I said above, God asked him to get rid of all his "stuff", empahsis on ALL. Not everything but his favorite stuff, he said simply ALL of it. The bible also tells us that if we do what God tells us, if we sacrifice when he asks, that we will be rewarded tenfold. Now, to be honest, the sad part is I've lived on my own for 16 yrs. most of the stuff around me is not very nice or expensive.....even if it was at one time its old now. In the house I sit in now, most of it I bought used for very very little becasue my other "stuff" was in storage. So why, why, why am I having such a hard time? Why do I want to just "keep my foot in the door" incase what God asks me to do doesn't work out........you know "I may need it some day, God". I love the saying "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans", but I don't think God would really be laughing at my thought process, I think rather like any good parent he would be sad that I wasn't just listening knowing that he knows best, and that he had to watch me go through more hurt until I finally "Recieved" his message. Why would I want to do that to myself? I don't know. So I made up my mind, my stuff is stuff. God is working miracles in my life everyday and has blessed me so much, why would I let a $300 couch stand between me receiving more of Gods miracles? Doesn't make much sense when you say it that way, huh?
I dare to think I am not the only one who runs into this problem at times in their life. We are humans, and we are Americans both of which I think tends to make us a little more superficial when it comes to having "stuff". Some how, we get our wires crossed and start putting our self worth on a stainless steel oven with a warming drawer than on God. LOL, sounds silly, huh? I will humble myself and be the example though, because its true.
So today, I'm asking for prayers from all of you, and I'm praying myself for God's strength to help me see the "stuff" for what it is and to trust him that if I do what he is leading me to do right now, then I will only be one step closer to reaping the rewards of his great plan for my life. So I must keep my eye on the ball, and keep pushing through, even though it hurts, its painful, its scary......now is when I must test my own strength and faith and do what I need to do. What is the worst that can happen? I have to go to garage sales and replace it all again? It only cost me a few hundred dollars to get almost the entire household I'm sitting in right now, so I think I could probably do that again. The cool thing is I know I won't have too, because God wants mroe for me than that, this is just a growing pain, but I will never get to the next level without growing pains, just as a child will never grow taller without those growing pains. Some people have them very little, some so little they don't notice, and some of us remember being kids and just being in pain because of those "growing pains". Well, today is a day of growing pains for me, no doubt.
Ok, back to the top. So I mentioned paralyzed last night and a bad experience. Last night I was calling to schedule appointments at work. One man had requested two child safe kits, so I called him set an apt. and while he was looking for a pen I made small talk and asked the ages of his kids. He then said "well, I guess you only need to bring one now, my daughter was five but she passed way". This is what paralyzed me, because NEVER is it OK to lose your five year old daughter in my world, or any child for that matter! I have never met this family before but I was instantly crying and sad for them. So when I got home I couldn't get it off my mind, it just drained me. Then I woke up this morning thinking, how silly and sad I am. Here i am crying over some dishes I'm getting rid of, and this man has lost his daughter!! Yet, even though we may be squeezed in a motor home, I will be able to kiss all my kids good night, that right there is a blessing, and it doesn't matter how much stuff. Then I got to thinking of all the blessings in my life right now, my children, my sisters, my good friends, my new friends, all the great people who have came into my life and who are lifting me up when my knees are buckling right now, or who are telling me to get up and wipe my tears and keep going when I feel "paralyzed". Those are the "stuff" in life that you want. Never ever ever will they be less valuable than a leather couch, stainless steel oven, or a nice bed set!
So as much as I can preach an "attitude of grattitude" I myself am human, and found myself being right there at the very bottom of the grattitude list. I may not be where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be, and really thankful that he now allows me to "figure out the lesson" faster than I used to. Makes your resiliency so much better, and eventually that is the way to become the Godly person you should be.
I will leave you with this today. I am going to pray that I can keep my eye on the TRUE prize. I am going to count my blessings and not my things, and I am going to keep walking knowing that when my knees are buckling that is when God will carry me. Whats the catch? I've got to be walking with him, if I'm not how will he know when i need carried through the rough spots, like you carry your child over a creek or a log thats too big for them to hop over.
I am going to have an attitude of grattitude for the real blessings in life, and then use my "stuff" to bless others. Most of all I'm going to trust, that I will never see what is in store for me next if I don't pass this test. I have recently watched friends do it, and I am so proud of them, and so happy I have such great examples in my lfie!
So heres to a new start, walking with God, and keeping our eyes on the real prizes in life! Don't feel bad if you too had temporarily lost focus as I had, just thank God you remember now, and then.......
Keep Walking!
Have a Blessed Day Everyone!
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